Overcoming overwhelmed

To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.
– Leonard Bernstein, American conductor, composer, author, music lecturer, and pianist

A comfortable outfit to ward off feeling overwhelmed: cropped sweater over a high-low flowing blouse, dark-rinse jeans, and platform sandals.

A comfortable outfit to ward off feeling overwhelmed: cropped sweater over a high-low flowing blouse, dark-rinse jeans, and platform sandals.

The other day I was reading an online article on the financial planning site LearnVest. I stopped dead in my tracks upon reaching this quote: “I kept waking up in a panic at 4 A.M. worrying – not only about all of the stuff on my to-do list that I hadn’t done that day and how much more there was to do, but also whether I was missing my life even as I was living it.” Wait! Did LearnVest interview me? That was me to a T, I told myself. Maybe I wasn’t waking up in a panic, but for the past month, as I have attempted to go to bed earlier in the evening, I have been waking up earlier. It’s as if my internal clock cannot program more than six hours of sleep. I open my eyes and am wide awake anywhere between 4 and 5 in the morning. And I’m conscious of what I need to do, what deadline is before me that day. Some mornings I wake up with a mental check list of what is going to happen that day; other mornings, I am filled with panic about a deadline.

The person being interviewed was, in fact, Brigid Schulte, The Washington Post journalist and mother of two, who wrote what she calls an “accidental” book, Overwhelmed: Work, Love and Play When No One Has Time, because she wanted to research why she and many of us are running ourselves ragged. In her interview with LearnVest, Schulte said the rise in overworking ourselves began in the 1980s. She referenced Katrina Alcorn, author of Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink, who said that society expects us to work as if we have no children and to have families as if we have no work. I won’t go into the health consequences of being stressed out; we intuitively know the correlation between stress, overwork, and lack of sleep to chronic illness – we don’t need our fears to be validated with research and studies.

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), Luxe Revival reclaimed vintage necklace (Uncommon Objects, Austin, TX), Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings (El Cerrito, CA), and beaded bracelets.

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), Luxe Revival reclaimed vintage necklace (Uncommon Objects, Austin, TX), Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings (El Cerrito, CA), and beaded bracelets.

Schulte pointed out that in our rat-race society, we look down on the pursuit of leisure, which she says we equate to being lazy. “We clearly have lost all sense of its value as we’ve gotten wrapped up in busyness and the feeling that we always have to be ‘productive’ and ‘doing’ something,” she lamented. I slunk in my office chair, guilt warming over me. I’m one of those people touting always being productive. In my defense, I don’t believe in always doing something for the sake of being in motion, for the sake of not being at rest (on the couch, that is). After all, motion is only worth it if it enables you to check something off of your to-do list. Insert self-conscious laughter here. I’ll admit that for the longest stretch I could not sit down and read because there was way too much to do and I couldn’t bear for the world to keep moving on without me. As I have gotten older, the notion that I have less time to do what I need to do, which results in me going into overdrive, has interfered with what I actually need and want to do. Reading is an activity that makes me a better writer and enriches my mind on so many levels, but the act of sitting down and not producing something, not having something tangible to show for being at rest, if you will, was unacceptable to me. Thankfully, I have overcome that silliness, but it points to the affliction that we can’t seem to find a cure for.

Play with lengths, height, and color. You can venture into cropped top territory with sheer blouses.

Play with lengths, height, and color. You can venture into cropped top territory with sheer blouses.

Defining leisure
Schultze makes the case for embracing leisure, which is connected to creativity, problem solving, and the birth of civilization – the creation of art, philosophy, science, history, and so on. She wants us to recapture the value of play and break the bonds of stress and overwork. That to-do list? Don’t do it. In fact, don’t make a to-do list. That’s what I got from the interview. I’m sure the book has other tangible best practices. But I don’t have time to read it. I already know why I’m overwhelmed. I understand what I can and can’t change, even if that understanding doesn’t bring full-blown serenity. I have to work full-time for the time being, but I don’t have to let job demands kill me. If sleep deprivation negatively impacts my productivity and quality of my day job, then I make the decision to get more hours of sleep. It took a while to come to that realization and it took failing health to get to that point, but I learned my lesson. Telling me to chuck my to-do list is not an option. Now that I’m well rested most of the time, I get a lot more done. When I see all those check marks on my to-do list, I am buoyed and the sense of being overwhelmed is greatly mitigated. And I end up having “free” time, otherwise known as leisure time.

But let’s define leisure. If you had free time, defined as time in which you are not doing work for your day job, whatever that may be, what would you do with it? Some people may not think weeding is leisure, but when I am in my side yard weeding and pruning, I enter a Zen-like existence that actually insulates me from the worries that are waiting for me in my home office. It’s just me and the garden, which offers me both singular focus and an openness that allows my mind to wander. I welcome physical activity, and I feel a sense of accomplishment when I stand up and survey my tidy yard.

Tie colors together with splashy platform sandals and bring in vintage touches (reclaimed vintage matchbox necklace and my own early 1990s vintage Talbots equestrian-style crossbody bag.

Tie colors together with splashy platform sandals and bring in vintage touches (reclaimed vintage matchbox necklace and my own early 1990s vintage Talbots equestrian-style crossbody bag.

If I didn’t have my blog and my fiction writing, I would have more time to garden and to organize my disorganized home. I’d go to more of my kids’ sporting events. I’d be able to watch television – these days mostly just Major League Baseball games – but without multi-tasking – ironing, paying bills and reconciling check registers, responding to e-mails. I would just sit and watch. Am I sad that I can’t do that? I sneak in singularly focused activities every once in a while. But as Robert Frost, one of my favorite poets, wrote in his famous poem, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, “But I have promises to keep/And miles to go before I sleep.” So long as they are the things I really want to do, I am okay with staying up a little longer than I should, multi-tasking to get them done. So long as what is overwhelming me is about what I want to do – in my current case it is feeling overwhelmed at starting a new novel – and I take it as a call to action, I can live with that. By all means, mitigate being overwhelmed at work, but  make sure that what you are doing with the rest of your day, your life, is what you want to do and what brings you joy.

Bouquet time!

A flower blossoms for its own joy.
– Oscar Wilde, Irish playwright, poet, and author

We may have had a drought this past winter, but the strange weather has resulted in some of my flowers blooming earlier than usual. My alstroemeria, or Peruvian lily, which was a gift from my friend Raissa’s mom – a prolific gardener in her own right – has exploded this year in our front yard. Both hydrangea plants have gotten much larger and are also blooming like crazy, whereas in previous years they have been stingy with their flower production. Some of my dahlias, which don’t bloom until June, are already budding. I usually don’t start my weekly delivery of bouquets – my donation for my son’s middle school auction – until next month, but I figured why not share my bounty with the winning bidder, who happened to be last year’s winning bidder and was looking forward to another summer of an explosion of color in a vase.

This past weekend, in fact, I had enough flowers to create three bouquets – for my Portola Middle School auction winner, my friend Tana’s open studio (which was extremely successful!), and my friend Soizic. Now that is a bountiful week!

Variation on a theme: all three bouquets offered Bird of Paradise, alstroemeria, hydrangea, scabiosa anthemifolia, dianthus plumarius, and ferns.

Variation on a theme: all three bouquets offered Bird of Paradise, pink alstroemeria, pink hydrangea, brilliant blue scabiosa anthemifolia, magenta dahlias, pink and magenta dianthus plumarius, and ferns.

Spring offering: a bias cut mermaid-hem dress sprinkled with tiny flowers.

Spring offering: an old favorite of mine from years ago, a bias-cut mermaid-hem dress sprinkled with tiny flowers.

A spring breeze ruffles my comfy spring dress.

A spring breeze ruffles my comfy spring dress, which is complemented with strappy platform sandals and structured Cole-Haan handbag.

Details: Satya Jewelry earrings (NYC), Sundance cuff and stack of rings, Eskell fan ring (Chicago), and antique document holder-turned-necklace (Kate Peterson Designs, El Cerrito, CA).

Details: Satya Jewelry sterling silver earrings (NYC), Sundance cuff and stack of rings, Eskell fan ring (Chicago), and antique document holder-turned-necklace (Kate Peterson Designs, El Cerrito, CA).

Sandal weather!

Sandal weather!

Vintage love: Vivian’s evolution

Not on one strand are all life’s jewels strung.
 – William Morris, English artist, writer, textile designer, and socialist

Almost a year ago, I found Vivian in a shop across from Fat Apple’s Restaurant in El Cerrito:

Antique document holder with the name "Vivian" engraved on it.

Antique document holder with the name “Vivian” engraved on it.

She was in the display case of the cluttered shop full of antique and vintage jewelry, furniture, home décor, and housewares, vintage-inspired clothing, and oddly enough, a floral shop within the shop. The store was closing its doors for good, and I happened to come at the right time, when the prices of items were being discounted. As I asked to see what looked to be an old, very thin lighter, I was told by the shopkeeper that women immigrating to this country often wore document holders around their neck while on ships and pulled out their paperwork when they arrived on Ellis Island. I loved the backstory, and Vivian immediately came home with me.

For several months after bringing Vivian home with me, I had envisioned wearing the document holder as a necklace. Of course, that meant having it attached to a chain. But I didn’t want to just put it on a chain. At the beginning of the year, I finally took it to Kate Peterson Designs (KPD), and we discussed my vision for Vivian’s transformation. I wanted the chain to complement the sterling silver case, and I wanted to case to hang mid-chest. I wanted stones and since labradorite is one of my favorite minerals, we decided on five of them of different shapes.

Strung on an oxidized chain with labradorite drops and tags.

Strung on an oxidized chain with labradorite drops and tags.

A close-up so you can see the tags and Vivian's name engraved below the lid of the document holder.

A close-up so you can see the tags and Vivian’s name engraved below the lid of the document holder.

I knew I wanted tags, so Kate suggested the word “spirit” to celebrate Vivian’s sense of adventure in coming to a new world, and I later added my name for the second tag to lay claim, so to speak, to the transformed piece of jewelry and to commemorate the two owners. I picked the necklace up last week at Adorn & Flourish (7027 Stockton Avenue, El Cerrito, CA 94530, 510.367.8548). Kate nailed it. Thank you, Kate!

So I had to try out my new statement necklace….

Vivian with a gray layered, asymmetrical hem dress and peep-toe booties - and my new short haircut.

Vivian with a gray layered, asymmetrical hem dress and peep-toe booties – and my new short haircut.

Windswept hair on a windy day.

Windswept hair on a windy day.

Showing off the back of the dress with Vivian, Kate Peterson Design trio of mantra bracelets (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA), Sundance stack of rings, fan ring (Eskell, Chicago), and my own vintage sterling silver earrings from the early 90s.

Showing off the back of the dress with Vivian, Kate Peterson Design trio of mantra bracelets (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA), Sundance stack of rings, fan ring (Eskell, Chicago), and my own vintage sterling silver earrings from the early 90s.

April showers bring May flowers

April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.
– William Shakespeare, from Sonnet XCVIII

We haven’t had a rainstorm in weeks and my son hasn’t had a baseball tournament in a month. Though we need the rain after our winter drought, could the rain gods have picked a worse time to descend upon us? As they say, April showers bring May flowers. My garden of tulips, daffodils, and watsonias are giving way to the greenery of dahlias and other spring flowers. Soon it will be time to put together my weekly bouquets for the winning bidder of my donation to the Portola Middle School auction. So while the earth drinks in the rain, I watch my flowers bloom, welcoming May.

Simple yet elegant: White calla lilies in all their splendor.

Simple yet elegant: White calla lilies in all their splendor. An easy bouquet to put together.

Contrasting the white calla lilies: Burnout black flowers on a Chinese-inspired blouse and Japanese-style kimono.

Contrasting the white calla lilies: Burnout black flowers on a Chinese-inspired blouse and Japanese-style kimono from H&M’s Conscious Collection – a comfortable outfit to throw together for a spring evening.

Adornments: Carmela Rose earrings and two necklaces (Jenny K, El Cerrito, CA), Lava 9 ring (Berkeley, CA), Alkemie scarab cuff.

Adornments: Carmela Rose earrings and two necklaces (Jenny K, El Cerrito, CA), Lava 9 ring (Berkeley, CA), Alkemie scarab cuff.

Close-up of black flowers and jewels.

Close-up of black flowers and jewels.

Earth Day: honor your mother

You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make. – Dame Jane Goodall, British primatologist, ethologist, anthropologist, and UN Messenger of Peace

H&M duster from their Conscious Collection and an antique Edwardian handbag from the Brooklyn Flea Market.

Being green with fashion: H&M duster from their Conscious Collection and an antique Edwardian handbag from the Brooklyn Flea Market.

Our household has always been good about not being wasteful. Well, we preach that way of life to our kids, scolding them when they take long showers or reminding them to compost the scraps of food left on their plates. But I can’t say for certain that they are mindful when we’re not around. One hopes that growing up with this philosophy carries over into their adult lives. I developed this habit because my parents made sure we weren’t wasteful – not because they were environmentalists but because they came from a country in which you didn’t have much so you didn’t waste much. I remember when we visited the Philippines for my second and last trip, when I was an undergraduate in December 1985. Toilet paper was in short supply and you were given one napkin at restaurants, which were tiny, thin squares, and none at all at mealtimes in the home. This made a lasting impression on me. (At our home, we use cloth napkins, and when the kids were babies, we used cloth diapers.)

Adornments: Double-strand bracelet by Anja Hakoshima, Sundance stack of rings, Eskell fan ring (Chicago), Carmela Rose earrings and short necklace (Jenny K, El Cerrito, CA), Kate Peterson necklace (El Cerrito, CA), and Lava 9 sterling silver cicada long necklace (Berkeley, CA).

Adornments: Delicate double-strand bracelet by Anja Hakoshima, Sundance stack of rings, Eskell Art Deco fan ring (Chicago), Carmela Rose earrings and short necklace (Jenny K, El Cerrito, CA), Kate Peterson long necklace with labradorite stones (El Cerrito, CA), and Lava 9 sterling silver cicada long necklace (Berkeley, CA).

Although we reduce, reuse, and recycle as much as we can, I always believe there’s more that we can do. For instance, instead of bringing store-bought bottled water to the ballparks and soccer fields, we bring our BPA-free water bottles. Though it’s convenient to reach for bottled water in airports and stores, especially when I’m lazy or in a rush, I make a conscious decision to forego bottled water. The less plastic, the better.

I joke with Isabella that she will not have to buy any clothes or jewelry because she will inherit everything from me, and until then she can always borrow mostly anything from me. She doesn’t fully realize what this means, but to me, it means not having to buy a lot of “fast fashion” that won’t last long or stay in style. And it will save both of us a lot of money. She’ll have vintage clothing and jewelry at her fingertips, and I’m discovering how green it is to buy vintage or reclaimed vintage pieces, which cuts down on buying clothing that had to be manufactured.

Pleated duster made elegant by lace and metallic pointy pumps.

Pleated duster made elegant by lace and metallic pointy pumps.

I was reading an article last month, though I can’t seem to find it for reference, about how the biggest negative impact on the environment that clothes create is the laundering of them. I was surprised by this fact, as I assumed that the manufacturing process expended a lot of resources and was therefore the most harmful aspect of clothes, as far as the environment was concerned. The author advised readers to forego washing items after one use, especially for dry cleaning. I engage in this practice more so because I’m lazy about laundering and hate expensive dry cleaning, but it’s nice to add that it’s better for the environment, too.

We are lucky to live in an urban/suburban area, near various modes of public transportation, the Bay Area Rapid Transit or BART, casual carpool, and AC transit buses. I work at home, so my carbon footprint is even smaller. We are also lucky to be within walking distance of our elementary, middle, and high schools, so the kids walk to school, with me walking Isabella to school, unless it’s raining or we are running very late. Hence, we don’t care that much about our cars, which are both Toyotas and by society’s standards, ancient ones at that. Our older car is 20 years old. We’ve been receiving letters from some agency, offering us a thousand dollars to get our polluting car off the road. I told the mechanic who was running a smog test on the Corolla a few months ago. He scoffed; the car was fine, passed the smog test with flying colors, and would last for a long time. It was better to keep it going than to have it rust in some junkyard, he told me. Point taken.

Textures: pleats, lace, and ribbed knit.

Textures: delicate rivulets of pleats, lace, and ribbed knit.

We try to find more ways to be better conservationists, but I think the most important thing we can do is to keep inspiring our kids, the next generation, to honor Mother Earth. The kids are old enough now that they don’t buy my threat that wasting energy is melting the ice in the North Pole and therefore shrinking the polar bears’ habitat. It used to work. It’s not hard to show them things like the dirty air in the Central Valley when we visit my hometown, how you can’t see the foothills anymore because of the smog from Los Angeles that has been trapped in the valley and building up for decades. I tell them that the Central Valley region has the highest rate of asthma for children in the state and probably one of the highest in the country. Those facts hit closer to home. They make a bigger impact.

The biggest impact we can make is to spread the word of protecting our world and its resources. It starts in the home, in our neighborhood and community, and on and on. Happy Earth Day! How will you celebrate today?

Antique, reclaimed vintage, and contemporary adornments.

Antique, reclaimed vintage, and contemporary adornments.

Book Passage: BLTs, books, frog music, and antiques

Books are everywhere; and always the same sense of adventure fills us. Second-hand books are wild books, homeless books; they have come together in vast flocks of variegated feather, and have a charm which the domesticated volumes of the library lack. Besides, in this random miscellaneous company we may rub against some complete stranger who will, with luck, turn into the best friend we have in the world.
― Virginia Woolf, English novelist and essayist, and leading modernist literary figure of the 20th century, from Street Haunting

Emma Donoghue graciously allowed me to take a picture of her with Isabella.

Emma Donoghue graciously allowed me to take a picture of her with Isabella.

I haven’t been to Book Passage (51 Tamal Vista Boulevard, Corte Madera, CA 94925, 415.927.0960) in the North Bay in many years; I know, shame on me! But when I saw that Emma Donoghue, Irish-born playwright, literary historian, and novelist, was going to appear there for a reading last Thursday evening ― and I had just read a glowing review of her latest novel, Frog Music, a historical murder mystery based on a real-life murder case set in San Francisco ― I told myself I needed to get back into the swing of attending book readings. And so I did.

When I moved to San Francisco many years ago, one of the benefits was living in a city full of independent bookstores. Alas! So many of them have been shuttered ― A Clean, Well-Lighted Place for Books and Stacy’s. And in the East Bay ― Cody’s, Black Oak Bookstore, and Moe’s. When those bookstores closed, so went away the venues for many of the readings I diligently attended. Then I got so busy with life that I didn’t have time to attend readings and didn’t check the Sunday papers to see who was in town at other bookstores or events.

Book reading outfit: kimono-style jacket, floaty blouse, denim leggings, and platform sandals, with vintage carpet bag purse (Secondi, Washington, DC).

Book reading outfit: kimono-style jacket, floaty blouse, denim leggings, and platform sandals, with vintage carpet bag purse (Secondi consignment shop, Washington, DC).

But that all changed since last fall when my friend Jane and I attended a number of book readings through the Berkeley Arts & Letters program. This time, Isabella accompanied me to Book Passage, and it became our Mom/daughter evening. The first and last time Isabella attended a reading with me was when Louise Erdrich was in town and Isabella was an infant, asleep in my Baby Bjorn. Louise had just had a baby as well, and we chatted very briefly about motherhood as she signed her books for me.

First up for mom and daughter was sharing a BLT for dinner at the Book Passage café. Then we meandered through the aisles of the store, picking up books and flipping through the pages. We had good seats, sitting close up in what turned out to be a full house, which was heartening for all to see. Emma explained that she likes to dramatize while reading instead of reciting lines in a monotone voice, as most authors do. So she made for an entertaining reading, swapping out different voices for the characters. She has written an impressive 16 books, but she is well-known for Room, a novel published in 2010 and short-listed for the Man Booker Prize about a five-year-old boy named Jack, who lives in a small room with his Ma and has never been outside that room. To be honest, I’d never heard of that particular novel, but I picked it up in addition to Frog Music, upon the advice of her adoring fan base.

Sundance stack of rings, Lava 9 chunky ring (Berkeley, CA), Alkemie reclaimed metal scarab cuff, Carmela Rose onyx necklace, bee necklace (Brooklyn Flea Market), and Abacus earrings (Portland, ME).

Sundance stack of rings, Lava 9 chunky ring (Berkeley, CA), Alkemie reclaimed metal scarab cuff, Carmela Rose onyx necklace (Jenny K, El Cerrito, CA), Bonbon Oiseau bee necklace made from antique 1940s American brass key fob and charms (Brooklyn Flea Market), and Abacus earrings (Portland, ME).

After the reading and book signing, Isabella and I headed over to the other section of Book Passage, which has a separate entrance and houses the children’s section. At first, I thought we had walked into another store because there were other items other than books being sold. Particularly display cases full of jewelry. After finding The Seven Basic Plots by Christopher Booker ― at her reading for her nonfiction book, Knocking on Heaven’s Door, Katy Butler talked about the existence of seven basic plots in storytelling and how that was immensely helpful for her as she structured her story ― on the bookshelves, I checked out the jewelry.

Silk Road series necklace made of Chinese quilin decoration and antique Japanese obi by Gretchen Schields.

Silk Road series necklace made of Chinese quilin decoration and antique Japanese obi by Gretchen Schields.

I found several beautiful necklaces made by Gretchen Schields, who happens to be the book cover illustrator for Amy Tan’s earlier novels. Among her many talents is handmaking jewelry and these particular necklaces are from a series called Silk Road. Schields uses antique Japanese obi, silks, Chinese embroideries, and European brocades for the cords and collars, and collectibles and beads for adornment. Who could resist wearable art that is made of antique material with such wonderful history? Not I. Isabella happily found Babymouse graphic novels to read. After a memorable evening  together, we came home with our treasures. I realized how much I had missed going to book readings and hearing writers read their works and having their voices resonate in my head, as well as be in the company of literary kin. More great books to read. Now if I can just find the time!

Ensemble close-up.

Ensemble close-up. H&M kimono from their Conscious Collection.