Acupuncture with love

A wise man ought to realize that health is his most valuable possession.
– Hippocrates, ancient Greek physician

Feeling much better, with my blue-gray crocheted capelet and jeans.

Feeling better, with my blue-gray crocheted capelet and jeans.

Last fall I went through several months of working weeknights and weekends. As stress wore my body down, my sciatica returned, my back started aching, the thumb of my left hand, which is my writing hand, began hurting, and I wondered if arthritis had kicked in. My mother had suffered from arthritis, but I was hoping it was from years of packing oranges in the winter and picking grapes in the summer, and that it was not genetic. I kept telling myself that I needed to make an appointment with my acupuncturist. But then I also told myself that I didn’t have time to go because there was too much to do, which is an irrational excuse.

Fast forward to January. One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to take better care of myself. I’ll admit that it took a hard bike seat, the return of my sciatica and back pain, and another stressful time at work to make good on that promise to myself. So I made an appointment with my acupuncturist, Portia Lee, at Traditional Ways Healing Center (6931 Stockton Avenue, El Cerrito, CA 94530, 510.799.8788). My appointment this past week happened to be on the day that I had pulled an all-nighter to fix a botched project by a contracted writer that was due to our client on a tight deadline. I told Portia that I was going through a period of stress in my work, but things were supposed to change.

Vintage rhinestones by Vendome and Elizabeth Ng antique button ring (Abacus, Portland, ME).

Vintage rhinestones by Vendome and Elizabeth Ng antique button ring (Abacus, Portland, ME).

Much of my recent stress was in not knowing if my contracted writers would turn in well-written white papers, as I believe in standing by quality work and wouldn’t dream of submitting an inferior product to a client. The workload had gotten to the point where I had to outsource anything that came in because I couldn’t do it myself. I knew that my writing was capable and dependable, but once a project was out of my hands, I worried about what the contractor would turn in to me. Would it require simple redlining or a major overhaul? Does that qualify me to be a control freak? Then I’m guilty.

Portia listened patiently to my babble as she felt my pulse and asked me to point out where my aches and pains were across my body. I was on my stomach first and then my back, for two long periods of having needles at various points redirecting the flow of my energy. I focused on trying to relax my muscles with the help of a heat lamp and a CD of instrumental music. After the second batch of needles were removed, I was expecting her to say, okay, we’re done, go ahead and get dressed, and I’ll meet you at the front desk.

Vintage love and crochet.

Vintage love and crochet.

Instead, Portia sat down beside the table on which I was still reclined. She told me how concerned she was about my health, how my comment about being in a temporary state of stress every time I came in was in fact my permanent state of being. David has always given me a hard time about this, as well, for years. I knew it at some level, but ignored it. I thought I couldn’t allow myself to recognize it because there was too much to do. I have been able to suffer through these periods and feel none the worse, or so it seemed. In the last few years, I have felt myself slowing down, have admitted it to myself finally. And I promised myself months ago that I would not pull another all-nighter again. But I did. And it will take perhaps a week or more to recover, to get back to the balance I was trying so hard to achieve since the holidays.

Wearing a necklace against lacy crochet is too much, so stick with a bold ring and earrings.

Bold but simple ring and earrings.

Portia went on to say how companies have a way of squeezing so much energy out of us, and at great cost. But once we leave, we are left with having to pick up the pieces of broken health, so to speak. Once we are gone, the company doesn’t care. (One may argue that the company may not care even when you are there!) So we have to take care of ourselves in the here and now, but just as important, for the future.

I was deeply touched by Portia’s genuine concern. I could see it in her face and hear it in her voice and feel it in the room. I promised to be better to myself. I had already planned on coming in more regularly to keep my balance. I thanked her. And as I said goodnight – two hours later, darkness already descended outside – to her, her sweet daughter, and her big but gentle dog, I felt such warmth and lightness. I felt such gratitude to have someone really care about my health. As I drove home, I told myself to be good to myself. As someone once said: “Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.”

Elegant and casual: Silver, blue-gray, and black, with blue jeans.

Elegant and casual: Silver, blue-gray, and black, with blue jeans.

Gray booties and statement ring and silver earrings crafted by Miao Chinese artisans (Caravan Gallery, La Conner).

Gray booties and statement ring and silver earrings crafted by Miao Chinese artisans (Caravan Gallery, La Conner).

A.C.T.’s Major Barbara: Still timely 100 years later

You have learnt something. That always feels at first as if you have lost something.
– George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright and co-founder of the London School of Economics, from Major Barbara

Ready to see a play at the A.C.T.: Dressing with a nod to the turn of the century styling in a lace and crochet duster.

Ready to see a play at the A.C.T.: Dressing with a nod to the turn of the century styling in a lace and crochet duster.

The first time I read George Bernard Shaw’s play, Major Barbara, which was written and premiered in 1905, I was a sophomore in college in the spring of 1982, deeply committed to devouring all literature and wanting to become a writer. The play was included in Literature in Critical Perspectives (1968), an anthology of plays, short stories, poems, and essays, designed to teach “principles and techniques of literary interpretation to freshman and sophomore college students in introduction-to-literature courses.” Instead of being grouped by genre, they were organized by the major critical perspectives of the day: Social, Formalist, Psychological, and Archetypal.

The anthology and my English professor opened my eyes to reading literature more critically and with an open eye and heart to the human condition. The introduction to the critical perspective Social, entitled “Criticism and Sociology” by David Daiches, investigated how a writer’s social origins and social factors affect their work. Shaw wrote, in his 1891 essay The Quintessence of Ibsenism, that society is made up of three discrete types of people: “philistines, who have no capacity for creative thought; idealists, who believe in the tangibility of the impossible; and realists, who can see the world for what it is.” The morality play Major Barbara brilliantly brings all three types to one stage, with an interesting twist as to who the “hero” is.

Major Barbara is a young English woman who, as a major in the Salvation Army, is committed to saving the souls of the poor at a time when capitalism and military industrialism ruled. Her mother, the upper-class Lady Britomart Undershaft, reaches out to her estranged husband, Andrew Undershaft, to supplement Barbara’s and her sister’s dowries, as both are marrying men whose present incomes can’t support them. Barbara’s fiancé, Adolphus Cusins, a Greek scholar, is a secularist but he joins the Salvation Army out of love for Barbara.

Laura Lombardi necklace (Eskell, Chicago), Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA), and Anthropologie earrings.

Laura Lombardi necklace (Eskell, Chicago), Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA), and Anthropologie earrings.

Andrew Undershaft’s lack of morals is equal to the vast wealth he has accumulated from his munitions manufacturing empire, which is the leading producer of the world’s guns, cannons, torpedoes, submarines, and aerial battleships. Lady Britomart estranged herself from her husband not because of his aim to sell weapons of destruction to anyone who will pay him, but because of his commitment to a tradition in which the heir to the Undershaft fortune must go to an orphan who would be groomed for the position. (Undershaft was an orphan and brought into the empire.) It didn’t help that Undershaft was none too impressed with his only son. His son and two daughters are not happy at all to see him, whom they are told by their mother has re-entered their lives to help them out financially.

Barbara is aghast to accept his “blood money,” but they agree to be open-minded and to gain an understanding of one another by seeing each other’s world, or element. Undershaft is to visit the Salvation Army’s shelter in the city slums and Barbara and the rest of her family are to visit his munitions plant. Undershaft declares that he could “buy” the Salvation Army. When he – out of his love for his daughter, whom he sees as just as brilliant as he – donates a sizeable amount to the Salvation Army, which thrills both her colleagues and the poor, a disillusioned and distraught Barbara resigns from the organization. [On a historical note and one that informs the play, the Salvation Army, which was called the Christian Mission in the 1870s before it changed its name in 1878, increasingly used military metaphors to reach out to the working classes, who at time were drawn to militarism].

Add chunky ring (Lava 9, Berkeley, CA) and switch out for another Laura Lombardi necklace (Eskell, Chicago) for another look, with slouchy chocolate-brown boots for winter.

Add chunky ring (Lava 9, Berkeley, CA) and switch out for another Laura Lombardi necklace (Eskell, Chicago) for another look, with slouchy chocolate-brown boots for winter.

Barbara keeps to her promise and tours her father’s munitions plant and colony, where Undershaft’s workers live. Through the course of the visit, Cusins reveals that he is an orphan, and already in Undershaft’s favor, he becomes heir to the family’s fortune. But will Barbara now spurn him? In fact, she tells Cusins she would turn her back on him if he refused the offer. In the course of three days, the duration of the play’s timeframe, she has come to understand that you simply can’t feed the poor when you are poor. Turning her back on her father and other wealthy people like him is like “turning our backs on life,” according to Barbara. “There is no wicked life: life is all one,” she tells Cusins.

Furthermore, Barbara comes to this understands because – she ardently believes – she is the daughter of a foundling. Rather than be amidst the starving poor, whose salvation and conversion through the soup kitchen is certain so long as there is bread to eat, Barbara sees greater possibility in converting the middle and upper classes. Their basic needs are already met and therefore can focus on their spiritual needs. Their souls are more in need of saving – the “fullfed, quarrelsome, snobbish, uppish creatures, all standing on their little rights and dignities, and thinking that my father ought to be greatly obliged to them for making so much money for him – and so he ought. That is where salvation is really wanted,” she excitedly tells her future husband and heir to her father’s empire.

This strapless dress is the perfect summer evening outfit, with or without the duster. Just add high-heeled sandals or pointy pumps.

This strapless dress is the perfect summer evening outfit, with or without the duster, which can be hooked closed all the way from the lower bodice to the waist or free-flowing. Just add high-heeled sandals or pointy pumps for warmer weather.

I had never seen a live production of Major Barbara. So when I saw that the American Conservatory Theater (A.C.T.), San Francisco’s premiere nonprofit theater company (415 Geary Street, San Francisco, CA 94102, 415.749.2228), was bringing the play to its stage, I told David we were going and were joined by our friends Mimi and Jon, who are fans of Shaw’s Pygmalion. I haven’t been to the Geary Theater in many years, so it was a treat to be back and see it in its revitalized splendor. The settings of the three-act play were nicely done, especially the last act’s high-explosive sheds at the arsenal of Undershaft and Lazarus, which featured ominous gray bombs, like steel sharks, hanging down from the rafters and stuffed muslin dummies with red targets painted on their chests.

Dean Paul Gibson, the Canadian actor who played Andrew Undershaft, and Kandis Chappell, who played Lady Britomart, were phenomenal. First of all, I admit to having a difficult time hearing actors speak on stage, but I could hear every crystal-clear word spoken by Chappell and most of Undershaft’s lines. Chappell’s character had the choicest lines, aside from Undershaft, as they were full of comic contradictions, which I was happily able to appreciate! Gibson was a fine Andrew Undershaft, who was morally despicable and yet whose arguments couldn’t be disputed. He conveyed his convictions convincingly. And agree or agree to disagree, you end up admitting that much of what he proclaimed is true – perhaps not right, but nonetheless true! – and just as true today.

The green, gold, and chocolate flowers and leaves print dress peeks out from an Edwardian-style duster.

The green, gold, and chocolate flower and leaf printed dress peeks out from an Edwardian-style duster.

After seeing Major Barbara, I pulled out my anthology, which I had kept – full of faded green highlights and neatly written notes in the margins – with the intention of reading it again. I wish I had read it before last Saturday evening. I would have relished the lines as they were being said on stage. The play demands it. Though now, when I read it again, I’ll hear Gibson and Chappell’s fine theatrical voices in my head and clearly see the library, soup kitchen, and munitions plant. And I can stop and savor each verbal battle, full of contradictions and ironies. I highly recommend Major Barbara for an uninterrupted weekend afternoon read!

Unfortunately, the play ends this Sunday, February 2nd. For those who appreciate Shaw and are in the area, this is a great production to see. Whether you see it on stage or read it, you will be in awe, wondering how more than 100 years later Major Barbara is just as timely and incredibly relevant today as it was at the turn of the 20th century – a trait that defines greatness. Bravo Shaw!

Add a splash of butter yellow in your clutch.

Add a splash of color with a butter-colored clutch.

Confronting grief, again

It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.
– Rose Kennedy, matriarch of the Kennedy family

As I headed into 2014 I had high hopes for and a high level of energy to tackle all the things I was looking forward to accomplishing this year. As the month comes to a close, I find myself bewildered to be in a place of stasis – as in motionlessness. Where did all the energy go and why am I not where I thought I would be?

I have been preoccupied with getting a lot of work-related projects through and worrying about them, and as we all know stress can strip one’s energy. I find myself falling asleep around 8:30 in the evenings, without the benefit of a glass of wine at dinnertime to induce drowsiness. I started feeling exhausted again, which has been driven by other culprits such as a soft bed that needs to be replaced, snoring (not mine, though I will admit to snoring), and a sleek new bike seat that I have finally admitted after two weeks that I cannot get used to what feels like sitting on a brick. It makes sense that when you’re wincing on your bike and making adjustments to save your behind, the rest of your body becomes unbalanced, which results in pain – in my case, the whole lower half of my body feels like it belongs to an 80-year-old woman.

Bailey's last day with us, January 17, 2011.

Bailey’s last day with us, January 17, 2011.

Physical ailments aside, as I walked our dog Rex the other morning, I asked myself why I am feeling so aimless when there is so much to do and see. I started thinking about how in the past weeks I have been more attentive to Rex, who recently turned 13, is going deaf, and is part German Shepherd. For the last few years, I have been watching for his tremulous hind legs to start slipping and dragging, and while I see his hind legs buckle ever so slightly, every great once in a while, he has shown remarkable resiliency, likely because he is walked daily and gets exercise going up and down the stairs multiple times a day. He’s on thyroid meds and eats non-grain dog food. He receives a lot of attention from all family members, goes on car rides when I run errands, which he loves, and happily sleeps for hours on his dog bed in the library, next to my home-office desk.

Still in good shape as Rex goes for a late-afternoon backyard search for squirrels.

Still in good shape with rabbit-soft fur, golden in the late afternoon light: Rex in the backyard, searching for squirrels.

Our dog, Bailey, at age 12, passed away three years ago on the Monday night of Martin Luther King, Jr., Day. Whenever I dote on Rex, I am reminded of her passing, of not giving the attention she craved, which is one of the reasons I’m mindful of giving Rex a lot of love. In that quiet moment of crossing the street with Rex on his walk the other day, I fessed up to feeling quite sad that she is gone. Three years later!

One of my favorite photos of my mom and Jacob, summer 2000.

One of my favorite photos of my mom and Jacob, summer 2000. Relaxed and contented, she reclined on the sofa, holding her grandson, who rested his little fingers on her chin.

And then I admitted to myself that I have been thinking a lot of my mother, whose second anniversary of leaving us passed on January 3rd. I had scolded myself after that date this year because I didn’t do anything to remember her. I had a head cold and was working that day. I’m sure there was a part of me that didn’t want to remember anything from that early morning two years ago. For some unknown reason, I have found myself these last couple of weeks turning around, stopping what I was doing and listening, staring out the windows, peering over the divide between the kitchen and family room – looking for, I realized, a sign from my mother. Or actually, expecting my mother, for instance, to be sitting on the family room sofa, as if nothing had changed.

Big smiles for birthday milestones of one and 75, June 2001.

Big smiles for birthday milestones of one and 75, June 2001.

I don’t know if every January will be like this for me. I only recently realized what I was doing and what I was feeling. Bereft. Confused. Once I named my feelings and understood the source, the sadness seemed to grow and become a cloak to me. How one throws off that cloak and carefully folds it and puts it in one’s drawer is different for everyone – as it should be.

Now we are two and 76, with my nephew Joshua, June 2002.

Now we are two and 76, with my nephew Joshua, June 2002.

For me, I asked myself: What would my mother want me to be doing? How best can I honor her memory, honor everything that she had done for me? I told myself: Give myself a hug as if she were hugging me. Keep writing. Get that novel out into the world and get going on the second one. The novel is done, but it’s being carefully and lovingly, I might add, read through by my dear friend, Kathy, who has seen every draft of this novel throughout its 16-plus-year life thus far. So once that task is completed, out it goes into the world. And then on to the second novel. For her. For my beautiful mother.

Another Jacob and Lola birthday celebration, June 2005.

Another Jacob and Lola birthday celebration, June 2005, with Joshua and Isabella.

How I want to remember my mom: Vibrant and happy. With Auntie Rose in their traditional costumes for their dance presentation at the San Esteban Circle Labor Day Weekend festivities, 1995.

How I want to remember my mom: Vibrant and happy. With Auntie Rose, on her left, in their traditional Filipino costumes for their dance presentation at the festivities of the 40th anniversary of the San Esteban Circle, Veterans Memorial Building, Terra Bella, CA, Labor Day Weekend, 1995.

Rain dancing

Tut, tut, looks like rain.
– A. A. Milne, English author of Winnie-the-Pooh children’s books

While most of the country has been mired in endless snow storms, we are under siege as well: We have had only one rainstorm throughout fall and winter, with no forecast for rain in sight. The dreaded word – drought – is not being whispered anymore. We’ve tried to cut down on our water consumption, as much as parents of a teenager and pre-teenager can. Water conservation is surely around the corner.

Warm weather means sleeveless in winter: pleated skirt, crocheted capelet, and vintage rhinestone and silver accessories.

Warm weather means sleeveless in winter: embroidered blouse, pleated skirt, crocheted capelet, and vintage rhinestone and vintage Whiting & Davis silver mesh handbag.

Not only are we getting no rain whatsoever, but our temps have been warmer than our standard Bay Area summer temperatures. Today the temperature hit 70, and we’re told to expect more of the same for the foreseeable future.

Vintage Eisenberg rhinestone bracelet, brooch, and clip-on earrings, and Elizabeth Ng antique button ring (Abacus, Portland, ME) over a Sundance crocheted capelet.

Not a raindrop in sight. But lots of vintage in the Eisenberg Ice rhinestone bracelet and clip-on earrings, Weiss brooch, and Elizabeth Ng antique button ring (Abacus, Portland, ME) over a Sundance crocheted capelet.

It’s time for a rain dance. So put on your dancing shoes and boogie.

Again with the textures: lace, crochet, pleats, mesh, smooth leather, and lots of sparkling rhinestones.

Again with the textures: lace, crochet, pleats, mesh, Nappa leather, and lots of icy rhinestones.

Vintage mesh and rhinestone are stunning accessories against black.

Vintage mesh and rhinestone are stunning accessories against black.

A closer look at vintage rhinestone.

A closer look at vintage rhinestone from my eBay days of years ago.

Decluttering in January

Modern life is becoming so full that we need our own ways of going to the desert to be relieved of our plenty.
– Thomas Moore, American writer and lecturer on spirituality, psychology, ecology, and religion

Declutter so you can enjoy life in fluttery creams and soft grays.

Declutter so you can enjoy life in embellished soft creams and ethereal grays.

After taking down the Christmas decorations a few weekends ago, the house seemed bare at first, and then I came to appreciate the clean lines of my home. That sense of order and simplicity triggered a desire to declutter in January and not wait until springtime. Decluttering each room in the house has been on my to-do list for at least the last five months. But it seemed so overwhelming, even as I listed each room as a separate task that I could check off.

I remembered the advice given years ago by one of my friends, who is in my Mom’s Group, about how tackling cleaning in 15-minute spurts can get you a clean house with seemingly little effort and time. Back then, I thought it was a brilliant idea, but I never acted on it. I decided to give it a try, only because I got distracted over the weekend and started cleaning my office. Thirty minutes into pitching a lot of what I call dead reading material and folders full of old work on my desk, I realized I needed to pick up my daughter after her flamenco lesson. The idea of decluttering in spurts caught on.

A great find at the Portland, Maine, consignment shop, Second Time Around, a Marc Jacobs open cardigan with rows of gray glass.

A great find at the Portland, Maine, consignment shop, Second Time Around, a Marc Jacobs open cardigan with rows of gray glass.

I had been meaning to declutter the bathroom, so that was my next conquest when I had a few minutes to spare. You will be amazed, as I was, how many pills and other medicines are expired – some as late as five years ago! This simple 10-minute task resulted in gaining 25 percent more space in my medicine cabinet. I put the expired medicine in a small handled bag. I need to go through the downstairs bathroom and then take the bag to hazardous waste in Richmond the first Saturday of the month (please don’t flush meds down the toilet!). Bathrooms are small, so you can zip through them quickly. Next up were the cabinets under the sink. One of my pet peeves is finding three bottles of the same cleaner filled to varying levels of chemicals. One bottle’s opening was plugged and caked over. Another one had ingredients that would not come out because, I suspect, the goop had dried completely. Once I removed duplicate cleaners and those that were nearly empty, I gained nearly a third more space below.

Once you get started, you look to the next small, containable area to declutter with alacrity and emboldened resolve. But not only did I declutter, I did things that will make decluttering in the future easier. For example, I got rid of a stack of magazines that I knew I’d never get a chance to leisurely read. They are in the garage waiting to be deposited at our recycling center’s book swap area. While I cleared out the magazines, more importantly, I also made the decision to let the subscriptions expire – saving money, space, and time.

Sheer Swiss dot blouse and cardigan match nicely with Tiffany earrings, ring, and bracelet.

Sheer Swiss dot blouse and cardigan match nicely with Tiffany earrings, ring, and bracelet.

If you treat each task like a game – getting closer to some sort of crowning achievement or goal – those decluttering tasks can be somewhat pleasurable. Well, okay, only if you’re a Type A like me when it comes to, say, a clean working area or office. Sometimes when I get overwhelmed with my work, I straighten up my desk because while I may be spinning out of control, I can look at my clean desk and feel as if my brain has been put into working order, which makes me believe I can get through whatever project has gotten me all worked up.

Beaded purse, Tiffany ring and bracelet, shiny silver metallic pointy pumps, and rows of gleaming gray rhinestones bejewel simple soft gray separates.

Beaded purse; Tiffany earrings, ring, and bracelet; shiny silver metallic pointy pumps, and rows of gleaming gray glass embellishments stand out against simple soft gray separates.

One of these days I’ll alphabetize my books in my library or the CDs in temporary shelves in the living room – CDs that we hardly ever listen to now. This has been on my to-do list since we moved back in after the remodel nearly seven years ago. I’ll get to my closet, and when I do, that will be a separate blog post! Until then, I’ll keep working my way through the house, feeling less weighed down by stuff that I don’t really need. It’s calming and it’s freeing, so you can expend your energies creating something beautiful or enjoying the litheness of time.

Relax, be free, and celebrate!

Relax, be free, and celebrate!

To the movies and beyond

It’s not what a movie is about, it’s how it is about it.
– Roger Ebert, Pulitzer Prize-winning American film critic and screenwriter

Throwback to the 1970s or an homage to Nebraska: coveralls or overalls but with a skinny leg and booties instead of flip flops, my high school uniform.

Throwback to the 1970s or an homage to Nebraska: coveralls or overalls but with a skinny leg and booties instead of flip flops, my high school uniform.

Before kids, David and I went to the movies every Friday evening. We both worked in San Francisco in the financial district (at the same company and then for different companies), and we’d meet up at the Embarcadero and eat an inexpensive dinner and watch an independent film at the Landmark Theater movie house. I leaned toward “depressing foreign films,” which David had the patience and good heart to endure. I was always on top of what new indie film was out and I usually made sure that we saw them all. We were told by many a friend that once you have children, forget about going to the movies. And we largely did the past nearly 14 years.

When our son was an infant and then when we had a toddler and a baby, if either my mother was or David’s parents were in town to help us out, we’d embark on a film fest, cramming three films in two days. Other times, we’d get a babysitter or swap with friends for babysitting duties to get a free evening. Through the years we’ve tried to go to the movies that we really wanted to see. But oftentimes, in the midst of parenting and work, we watched the movies we wanted to see go from movie theater to DVD. If we didn’t have time to see the movie on the big screen, there was a pretty good chance that we’d never see it on our TV screen.

Further modernizing overalls with a bright ethnic print big jacket and a bright orange shoulder bag.

Further modernizing overalls with a bright ethnic print big jacket and a bright orange shoulder bag.

But I do love movies and going to the movies, and it’s on my list of things to do more of in 2014 and beyond. I have fond memories of making the trip into the next town and watching sometimes a double feature (back in the day when people had longer attention spans!) when I was girl. The smell of popcorn still gets me. I still experience a small thrill settling into my seat. While I despise the inexorable string of commercials, I love watching the trailers, so long as I am in a Landmark Theater.

Many years ago, I secretly harbored a desire to study films and film-making in college and in grad school because I had so many questions about why directors or screenwriters did this or did that. I wanted to understand what the similarities and differences were between film and writing fiction. And then later when I was in the creative writing program at Syracuse and one of our professors taught a seminar on fiction and film, I thought a lot more about the intersection, the synergies between the two.

Jan Michaels necklace (Lava 9, Berkeley, CA) and Kate Peterson stack of rings (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA).

Jan Michaels necklace (Lava 9, Berkeley, CA) and Kate Peterson stack of rings (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA).

I still appreciate depressing foreign films, but I also crave movies that inspire me in any number of ways. I have found that movies that haunt me or make me want to know more about the subject matter are the ones that have lasting power over me. Take, for example, the movie Philomena, which is about an older Irish woman who bore a son out-of-wedlock in the 1950s and was forced to give him up by the nuns who ran the abbey for unwed young women. I was so haunted by her story that when we got home, I promptly did some research on the internet and discovered what scenes were dramatized in the movie, which was to be expected, and what the difference was between the movie/screenplay and the book written by the journalist, Martin Sixsmith, entitled The Lost Child of Philomena Lee. I won’t spoil the movie for those who have yet to see it, but I will say that the book appeals to me more than the movie’s premise – though I really did enjoy the movie – because of the double meaning of the book’s title and the focus on the book, which is about the parallel lives of her son and her than about the relationship between journalist and searching mother.

Accessories take overalls out of the Farmer John category.

Just the right kind of accessories – feminine yet edgy jewelry, hipster booties with a hint of metal, businesslike satchel in a neon pop of color – take overalls out of the Farmer John category and into the cool.

The same weekend, we saw Nebraska, a movie about an elderly father who gets a letter in the mail saying he’s won a million dollars. He convinces his son to drive him from Montana to Nebraska to claim his prize. About 10 or 15 minutes into the movie, I feared that form and content would be appreciated but would ultimately drive me to tears of boredom. As David later complained, few characters were likeable and some things were predictable, not to mention the depressing desolation of setting and character.

I mulled over his comments. Normally, I don’t like watching a movie or reading a book in which most of the characters are unlikable. But these characters were formed by such a harsh and sad landscape that you sympathized with them on the one hand and then were fascinated by them on the other hand. As one of David’s colleagues who is from Nebraska told him afterwards, this is exactly how the state and its residents are, and it’s pretty depressing. But for me, this is uncharted territory, both emotionally and physically. As far as predictability goes, if there’s a twist to what is seemingly predictable or, more importantly, if what happened, what was predictable, was earned, then I am fine with the whole notion of predictability in a movie or book.

Don't forget the sparkly bumblebee earrings.

Don’t forget the sparkly bumblebee earrings.

What I found to love about Nebraska, which I admit I was expecting, was how Woody, Bruce Dern’s character, reminded me of my father, who suffered from dementia and who in his later years took to “wandering.” He, my father, would often by brought back by relatives who found him walking by the side of the road, often in clothes that were inappropriate for the weather, to various places and for various reasons – one being that he had to retrieve money that was hidden in the foothills beyond our rural town.

Even Kate, Woody’s caustic and very unlikable wife and mother to their son, David, who was the reluctant companion and then the catalyst to finish out Woody’s journey, reminded me of my mother. In one scene, Kate is complaining about the mess Woody has put the whole family in while he was lying in a hospital bed. Before leaving, she leans over and tenderly smooths down his stray wispy hair from his forehead. From that scene, I was thrust back to the stunned moment when my sister and I watched my sobbing mother trying to get on the hospital bed where my father’s body lay in rest. They had been match made in marriage and were so far apart in age, socio-economic standing, and temperament, which was evident throughout their years together. Even if I hadn’t connected to that personal moment, that one gesture by Kate spoke volumes that no flashback or further drawn-out scene could capture on film. That one gesture was a glimpse into their relationship that was not all harsh and mean-spirited.

These two movies stayed on my mind days after seeing them. Both haunted me in different ways. One reminded me of connections to my mother and father. The other made me think of how life is indeed stranger than fiction, how sometimes life can’t be made more perfect for the premise of a book of fiction or nonfiction, or a documentary or movie. The question is how best to execute the story in order to do it justice. I appreciate the artistic bent of filmmakers who have this vision and then embark on a journey to turn this vision into something they can share with many people. That’s amazing and magical. For me the viewer, what makes film magical is when it invites you to think and explore beyond the screen, to ask more questions and delve deeper, and to want to know more because it gets us closer to this thing called humanity.

Hipster black and unexpected pop of neon orange elevate the very comfortable overalls.

Hipster black and unexpected pop of neon orange elevate the very comfortable overalls.